Thoughts and a Sense of Dread

No, this is not a post about the regular stuff I write about. This is more about how I see the world around me, in a historical and political sense. This is about why I have never been impressed with the United States of America and why I do not have that urge to ever move or visit this bullying nation. My post is not targeted at the common American who walks the streets and has no control over the decisions that its country takes that makes it a bully. My post is simply an expression of a feeling of dread over what India is going to go through in this decade...something, if we do not wake up to on time, maybe even faster, before this decade is up.


Narendra Modi (read BJP) and the Wharton episode is something I have been wondering about. Kejriwal to replace Modi at Wharton Forum Now that Kejriwal (read Congress) has been brought into the picture, my mind (the little politics I see at a macro level - thanks to my Political Science professors in college) pictures the whole thing a little differently. I wonder how many more Indians see it that way. Let's take a head count somewhere. Baseless? Umm...no. With the elections coming up soon for the coveted Prime Ministerial post, which will have an impact on the future of Indian polity and economy, here I am asking why is it that Kejriwal gets an invite to Wharton? Especially, just before the elections? Is the US pitting them against each other and expressing its support for a slack Congress governance and slowly beginning to interfere in Indian politics in a very subtle manner? How big a threat is Narendra Modi to the US and their interests at large?

I am not a supporter of the current Government and Narendra Modi may not be a clean politician, but this is my country's laundry that does not require an external infiltration of opinions and subtle moves that will affect the nation's choices and turn of affairs. A lot of people will say I am over-reacting. I am not. I am simply expressing my perception of the subtle way the politics in the country and in the region is changing. It is simply a matter of viewing the macro of what's happening in a very micro invisible manner.

Let's view the US's advancement into the Asian continent...Vietnam, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Afghanistan, Pakistan...is India far behind? Read up How did the US involvement in SE Asia in the 1950's impact the political climate and US intervention in the Middle East and US involvement in Middle East - 2 Reasons to scale back All of this is, of course, made easier by a complacent political set-up, a kind non-aggressive border policy and corrupt politicians, insensitive and spineless police that oppresses more than protects, lack of safety and progressive inflation that India is diseased with. The cancer is not as benign as we think it is. The question is do we recognize it? 

For today, SRCC students New Entrepreneurs of Change , take a bow! 

Copyright@Sandy2013

Of Masks and Love

Sometimes, it is just one of those days when you want to write, there is a lot to say and words fail you. Perhaps, today is such a day. When one looks at it, there is nothing unusual about it. It's the same early morning noise, the same sun trying to get scorching hot as the hours pass by, the same birds, trees, sounds of people at work, noise, conversations, calls. 

Yet, it is a unique day because this day will not come back again. We all sleep at night, hopeful and positive about life. Yes, despite the pessimism in our hearts sometimes. Of course! You sleep, making commitments for the next day, setting up your alarm to wake up the next day. That is hope. That is faith in the air you are breathing, knowing there is another day ahead of you. 

As the day goes by, we have our moments of being courageous, of being loving, of being kind, of being our own person before everything surrounding us begins to push us to wear the mask. The mask of being a father, a mother, a son, a daughter...whoever. We keep flipping each mask, becoming who someone else wants us to be.  The best miracle ever in a day is when we have less masks to wear I think. 

If someone were to tell me, "I don't wear masks", that would be the biggest self-deceit you can subject yourself to. I also know, the only time those masks come undone is when you find someone who loves you for who you are, just the way you are and doesn't judge you for it. That is the biggest miracle. We all come undone with love. What a beautiful experience that is. That utter joy inside out is the best moment of our lives. 

At the end of the day, it all boils down to love. When you break it all down, it all boils down to love. 

Copyright@Sandy2013

Something Positive

A friend of mine said to me, right at the beginning of the year, on the first day, "I want you to write something positive." It has taken me twenty-two days to get to the point when I have sat down to write something positive and here I am wondering where to begin.

You see, being positive is not a festive date or an occasion. It is a constant state of wrangling yourself out of some chaos or the other on a regular basis, daily, hourly, what have you. With a person like me, it might be something even more frequent. Being positive requires a stubborn attitude to insist on finding the up-side in everything that we do. You may lose faith in a lot of things but as long as you believe in the fact that you are a single masterpiece and there is no other quite like you in this world, you will do just fine. That, my friend, is the belief that you have in being YOU. 

We are such pretenders, all of us, well...mostly. We want to be an ideal person (or appear to be)...a daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, a wife, a husband (o ye married lot)....the list is endless. We strive to be all that. In the journey, you forget that being YOU is really what you need to be...everything else will fall in place, the way it is meant to be. Dare to have honesty with yourself and stop pretending to be someone you are not. That will fade, ever so quickly and heck, who wants to live a lie and be afraid of being caught? Not me. 

I do not have that much time in the world. I want it all. All or nothing. I live with passion and I know it is a big deal. Make it your big deal. Find what works for you. Find your passion and see the aura of its positive energy draw people to you. Make that tiny step to being you. YOU. 

Copyright@Sandy

Like a Tree

Transfixed beside you
In a thought that hung
I stopped at the crossroad
beside you to belong

Seasons came and swept by
fall turned me to gold
cold winds bared my soul
I remained in stories yet untold

Loyal to the core
under stars be-jeweled
then young and vibrant
I stand now old, wrinkled

Un-swayed by the words
which tempted my faith to falter
I stood for the beloved
that stood not beside me at the altar.

Copyright@Sandy

Violation and Tolerance

(Warning: This post is long, blunt and direct in places. If you are not up to it, and not an adult, please do not read it. Yet, I wish to God every Indian reads it and tries to soak in the harsh reality of it all and does something about it.)

Today's cup of coffee is very bitter indeed. While I savour my cuppa, the truth that I sip in along with it is the bittterness and frustration of being an Indian, leave alone being a woman. There are days when one's mind lingers on too many emotions that tend to overwhelm us. There arises a deep ache and slowly creeps in a twisted feeling in the pit of my stomach. This particular feeling, for the past few days has wrenched my heart, twisted my gut and has dug into deep personal spaces where I, as a woman, purely as a woman and a human being exist. The nightmares do not end...

The rape of the twenty-three year old shook us up. This is not a new story. Women are raped every day in India (and the rest of the world). Men too. This is horrific and it is true and we are an indifferent lot to simply be outraged for a day or two (while the media feeds us horrendous details of the tragedy) and then forget about it when something else takes away their attention from it. It is not a tragedy that a brutal rape happened. The bigger and frightening tragedy of it all is that this will all be forgotten. The indifference is palpable, sickeningly so. That, is the tragedy because there will be another woman or man who will be raped while we shake our heads, talk about the cruelty of it all and do nothing about it. 

The police are supposed to protect us, safeguard our lives and ensure we are secure when we step out of our homes (and sometimes within our homes). Why should we be afraid to live, to work, to walk, to run, to be happy stepping out of our homes? Apparently, we have every reason to be so. Here is one of the tiniest tip of an iceberg that you have no idea about. Read up The Rapes Will Go On It is a rather long read, of four pages. But, I would ask you to read it nonetheless. You need to know these names and what you are up against when you walk into a police station (this is Delhi NCR) to file an FIR for a rape. 

I would rather see the public who quietly walk away from seeing such things happen in front of their eyes take a more pro-active approach and really beat the shit out of these guys...because, quite obviously the people who are supposed to safeguard our women are not doing anything and all they do is blame the women. Harrish Iyer rightly said, we all pray for sons... and forget to teach them to respect women. I will not generalize all men. 

But why is it that the outrage is just by women and a few bunch of men? Don't our men friends want to safeguard us, to stand by us in helping us fight this (what seems like a perpetual) losing battle? Don't protest here...go do something about it. Set the system right by not accepting something like this happening in front of your eyes. Not any more. We may not have done anything until now. What stops us from beginning now? Here is an example of what happens with those who cover the news. Watch this. Men Don't Fear Cameras or the Media (please put up with the 20 seconds advert because what you need to see is not posted on U-Tube for free but needs a sponsor). So, are these men going to be caught? You take a call. There are hundreds of people who ply Delhi roads. These men have been caught on camera. Who has the balls now (or a vagina, more appropriately - apparently because balls are weak) to ensure these three men are caught and taken to task? What this girl is facing is not something new. I have faced it. So have you or someone you have known. Some of us have faced it a lot worse than this. 

I watched a video on NDTV online yesterday. I watched Sushma Swaraj speak up and demand what the government is doing about it. Thank you Ms Swaraj, but you got it all twisted and it is your negative attitude toward a woman who has been raped that makes it all the worse for the survivors. We are not 'defiled'. We have undergone trauma, brutality and a terrifying experience that will probably give us nightmares. What we need is to get over it and get on with our lives and not live under a 'defiled' stigma. This is what is wrong with your perception (and probably a lot of women and men look at it the same way). A woman's body and soul perhaps has been violated. Yes. But, do not crush it even further by labeling her (or him) with a stigma of 'defiled'. That is a bigger and deeper thing to be scared of. Agreed, it will take years to heal, sometimes, not at all but don't make the journey of healing even more difficult. You, as a woman, in a seat of power where what you say and do has an impact, need to change your perception. Why blame the men alone? Here is why the society views the rape victim as a nobody and as the walking dead. Because, you are creating it. 

I am amazed at the outrage with which the kith and kin of women go about commiting murders in the name of honour killing because their sister, daughter, niece (and so on) has decided to spend her life with someone she is happy to be with. What stops that enraged spirit from standing up and not tolerating rape and abuse? There will be rapes commited within homes, in the quiet of the night, by an uncle, a father, a brother or a cousin and even a husband but all of it is quietly swept under the carpet in the name of upholding respectability in the society. The threats seep these women and children into a fear and inability to voice out the torment of being raped day in and day out. A lot of people will protest when they read this. I know that. They will protest that it is not so in every family. Really? Even my family will protest. I know better. Some of the women in my family know better. They are too afraid to say it. They face the fear of losing the stability of their lives and will continue to be so. I am sorry for them. I refuse to be like that. I realized decades ago that we will all decide to fight our battles when we have had enough, in so many ways. 

The deep-seated cause of it all begins at home. My friend Harrish rightly said this today. Read it and I know, a lot of you will agree....(of course, some of you will deny...but if you are being indifferent on the road when you see someone being molested or teased or raped, you are as much a part of this) - 

"Paai Laagu Pappaji... Main rape kitta!"

Arrest the parents. Excluding the pathological rapists, I firmly believe that rapists are made by bad parents. Better parenting, and an open culture, and not death penalty would reduce gory incidences like rape.

I agree. If you cannot bring up a kid with values and respect for human beings, men and women alike, it is the parents. You have no right to bring a child into the world if you cannot inculcate values in them. Why do you even pray for having a son? So he turns either into a rapist or someone who shuts a blind eye to when something like that happens? Why is Durga, Saraswati, Lakshmi or Parvati worshipped? How can that be? But yes, that is the truth. What will it take for us women in India to let go and be Kali instead? What will it take for men in this country to realise that some day, it will happen? It will be too late then. Too late. Why forget that women weild knives in the kitchen every day, they light a fire every day? 

Somya  Lakhani wrote this and I want to share it:

Today, something has changed inside me. I want to walk with a rickety wax candle in my hand till India Gate or Jantar Mantar or the PHQ. I want to walk, for I have had enough. I am not the lifeless entity fighting for survival in a hospital, I am not the one with marks on my face and rods thrust inside me. But I am still one of the victims. Everyday I am a victim.

And no, unlike a lot of people, I am not going to do a Delhi rant. No. This could have happened anywhere – the city, in my eyes, is inconsequential. You're allowed to disagree with me, I will respect your opinion. It's the people that disgust me – the rapists, the number of people who saw the semi-nude girl on the road who didn't cover her up probably, the cops who are happy that they have “successfully” nabbed the main accused, the TV reporters who leave no detail of the gruesome act to imagination and the politicians who are making this a battlefield for their own good. These people make my blood boil and I want to be part of the march to let them know that they have even converted me. I was the cynical person at home who thought no amount of walking and public show would change things. See, your attitude has even changed me?

However, what disgusts me the most is the fact that we all will forget it tomorrow. It would join the ranks of one of those many incidents that have happened in my city, my country, before. We are angry right now. Very angry, no doubt. But tomorrow something else will indulge us and we'll forget her and her pain.

I hope and pray she doesn't live. I hope she dies in that hospital and doesn't wake up to a society that doesn't value or respect her. A society that won't even let her take a bus at 9 pm. A society that will constantly remind her that she was raped. And I hope those six disgusting men (suggest another word, for they are not humans) do not get Capital Punishment. It'll be too easy on them, a peaceful death. They don't deserve that. They don't deserve feeling liberated. Torture them slowly, everyday and make them go through the agony she is going through. Kill them, everyday, every minute of their life.

The Mayans were right when they said the world will come to an end in 2012. 

They probably meant humanity.

Too many questions. Too many people afraid of being the solution. Too many preferring to be a part of  the problem. Too much quiet. Too many forgotten values. We have no conscience any more. We sit in classrooms, in lectures, in satsangs listening to stuff we never pay attention to. We have let go of our morals. Somewhere in this race for becoming a developed nation, we have degenrated into callous beasts and frightened twits who lack courage to take action, to do our bit. We watch this every day. A rape. An abuse. In our homes. Outside. No, waking at 4 am in the morning to pray does not absolve you.

We women, as much as the men are the culprits.We treat our children differently when they are growing up. We teach our daughters how to dress, how to curb our instincts, how to be the demure, a compliant weak woman when we grow up so we can find a man suitable enough to marry. We teach our daughters to cook, train them to ensure we please the opposite sex when we grow up by being obedient, by being chaste (beats me). We do not teach our sons to respect their sisters. We give them preferential treatment. We permit them to get what they demand for right from a smaller age. We do not teach them that women need to be respected. We do not teach them that their sisters need to be protected from men who are likely to abuse her. We do not teach them that it is not honourable to kill her because she seeks happiness. We do not teach them values of being a kind, thoughtful and compassionate human being. How does one expect a sea change overnight in a man after he has grown into an adult?

No, do not kill the girl child, not when she is in the womb, not when she is born. Kill the male children is more appropriate......"even better, kill the parents who want to kill girl children; have they ever wondered where they came from? It was a WOMAN who gave birth to them after all!" (as stated by a friend) Not that it is a solution but the outrage of it all hurts like hell, all the time. They are the ones who are growing up and killing women (and men) all over and over again...because those nightmares do not end. Not all men, however, thankfully are like that. You may end up with someone who will love you despite it all. But, your nightmares, they will come, to haunt you, even when you have put it all behind. Some nights, they will ravage your spirit again, seeking out your fears and tormenting you again. That is the reality a woman or a man who has been raped goes through each time another woman or man has been raped. 

We ask our girls, women to stay indoors. Why? Why should it be the women who needs to stay indoors? The man who has no ability to carry himself with a positive attitude and respect for women should be the one punished. I do not need to stay at home. I am not raping someone, or teasing, or molesting someone or abusing someone on the streets. The man is. Let him stay at home. Let him not venture out until he gets his senses right. We women especially are betrayed, by our own women and the men as well.

If you cannot bring up a son properly, please do not have one. If you cannot teach your child to be a man of values, courage and ethics, please do not carry them in your womb. If as a father, you cannot teach your son to respect a woman or another man and turn a blind eye to violation of their body and abuse, please go kill yourself. I have no expectations from a government that has laws protecting the man who abuses a woman or another man sexually and destroys their life. I have expectations from a society that professes to be developing. Perhaps, it is time a better way to curb this begins. If not for ours but for generation next at least. I am an Indian. I do not wish to ever be ashamed of being one. I am.

We live in a world that is never going to be ideal. Agreed. But, we can be the change.

If we cannot...we need to be afraid...very, vey afraid. 

Copyright@Sandy2012

Death and Life

There are days when one’s mind lingers on too many emotions that tend to overwhelm us. There arises a deep ache and slowly creeps in a twisted feeling in the pit of your stomach. Truth, there will always be days like that, where everything makes you too happy, or too sad, wrenches your heart or digs deep into spaces inside you that you wish you never went and are glad you don’t. Not frequently.

When you acknowledge death as the single most significant reality the desire to make the most of being alive becomes either pointless or completely significant. For me it’s more significant. It’s a journey towards the inevitable, like a stepping-stone onwards. A close brush with death does that for some. For some an out of body experience can assist you to visualize and not be afraid to die. Most people forget to live in the actual sense because they are afraid to die. When all the cards are on the table you have it all out, you are exposed and thus unafraid; because to lay all the cards on the table is either a courageous or an insane thing to do.

As we continue to grow and as each day passes by, we learn. We learn that all is never fair in life. The person who you expect never to let you down will let you down and you will learn. When your heart gets broken time after time, it will be harder, but you will bear it and survive and you will learn. You will fight with friends, you will drift apart, you will hug them when they need you, you will end up accusing them for things they didn’t and you will learn. You will laugh and then you will cry just as hard and you will learn.

You will learn that nothing ever is easy. You will learn that you can either live it and make something out of it or crib the rest of your life. When you know and acknowledge your life’s truth as much as the inevitability of death, you will learn to live. To live right. 

 

- Sandy

Of Judges Judgment and Attitude

It is said ninety percent of one’s emotions is determined by how one interprets events to oneself. In our world, there is place for imagination, fantasy, dreams, ambitions, controversies, the adamant opinion and the free spirit exuberance that skims, titillates, teases, tempts, dances through the sense of sight to arouse all the others. A person who looks for a sense of propriety might as well stick to reading books that belong to the shelves of a child’s Moral Science classroom.

In any other place there is place for a sense of propriety but that space has to be shared with the inane musings of the creative mind of artists, people, everyone else around you. For those who do not acknowledge this for what it is, it sure is a tough survival, it’s lonely. But then, the only reason you would be talking to yourself is because you are the only one whose answers you accept. So, why is there such a fuss over the words or colours borne out of another person’s mind?

Dare with Class. While there is a place for all of indignant self-righteousness, there isn’t an acceptable place for those who step on other’s toes and seek attention by stepping on them. If one doesn’t understand a writer’s world, or the world of friendship, one should not step into it, nor seek to hit popularity charts or buy friends by way of stabbing someone one doesn’t like. It’s a choice eventually and a matter of perception. To dare is a form of courage, but even that does not call for the attention of critics for a Pulitzer, or a Grammy, or an Oscar or an Emmy or whatever, unless presented with class. Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge. Other’s just gurgle and think it’s a big deal. It’s like smoking a cigarette. If you pull all of it in acceptance, it’s a first puff burn but you get to get it all in and figure out what smoking is all about. If you do not pull it all in, you are not smoking a cigarette. You are only pretending to.

Be Honest to Yourself. People who seek an unknown audience and are anxious to improve the circumstances of their surroundings ought to begin from their humble selves. Sadly, pitifully, they choose to be concerned to improve the circumstances of their surroundings without being willing to improve themselves. Learning and growth, and for that matter education, in this institution called Life does not come without asking questions and seeking answers. If you do not seek, nor ask questions, you are sadly, already dead. And then, who are you to blame someone for your misfortunes, most of which never happened anyway but were simply assumed for want of getting attention one sought? Being judgemental and calling yourself righteous in the bargain is a sorry excuse. Who am I to judge? Why bother to be cleverly disguised as a responsible adult when all one wants to do is point fingers at someone else for seeking the kind of attention one has failed to get otherwise? Why crib and cry when the middle finger goes up in response? If you say something, stand for it. Forget world improvement until you can visualise your own turn signal first.

Be Positive. Thinking positively may not let you do anything but it will let you do everything better than negative thinking will. I think it was Zig Ziglar who said that. There never is a hopeless situation. Yes, there are plenty of hopeless attitudes. Most people would rather die than think; in fact they do so. Value friendship unconditionally. If you cannot stand by your friend, you are not one. Then, you are just messed up in your head about definitions of friendship. Perhaps, you meant acquaintance. There is a difference. Never prostitute the word to mean anything else. A friend is a person who knows all about you and still puts up with you and sometimes doesn't know anything about you but it doesn't really matter. Lots of things change in a person’s life and lots of things don’t.

Unlearn to Learn. Don’t let schooling get in the way of your education. In this full time school of life education does not begin or end in school. Every moment is a period in school. Some flunk and flunk till they understand. Other’s merely mug and score high marks but never understand. God loves everyone, but ever think about why he prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts”? Growing old is inevitable…growing up, optional. Nobody gets a licence to kill, but when you are learning, even to drive, you get a learner’s permit. Being crazy is a way of life. It helps people to explore and not go insane. If you have figured out this statement, you will be fine. If you haven’t, you seriously need unlearning to learn. Mistakes are proof that you are trying. To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid and welcome learning in extremes of ways possible.

Life is tough. Nobody said life was going to be easy. Get a helmet. Live life. I want to live life, question it, shake it up and stir it to taste a perfect cocktail…I want to live life as in really live or die trying. It would be a waste otherwise. Every morning is the dawn of a new error and every sunset an overcoming of that error, not by doling out apologies but by an acceptance of one’s imperfect perfections. If you abandon the search for that what is not understood yet, that which is to be figured out yet, then you might as well settle for a good fantasy and live in a Utopia that gives you a perfect righteous world to live in. Learn to laugh at yourself. "Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for, they will never cease to be amused." Better to be amused than sulk with indignation and disappointment.

Lastly…if you do not like someone’s attitude, stop being with them! Stop whining!

- Sandy