I write so I can breathe. I am constantly evolving, mindless at times, frustrating even perhaps but heck, I wouldn't change the smell of freedom that comes with writing.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Eternal Struggle

What I believe in, who I love, what I do for people I love, is far more important than how fat I am or who I should look like. I just realized how much stress people put you through just because you don’t have a size zero body. Everything else gets to be a back seat then and all you think about is weight-loss, whether you have the time for it or not. Stress, leading to added weight because you cannot sleep, because you cannot help but wonder about it because all people around you do is talk about it and mention it over and over again.

Do people who say they care really wonder what they are doing to your mind? They rave about weight loss all the time. Their genes are fantastic. They can eat like crazy and not add on a single inch. Everyone is not the same. I fight a losing battle everyday with my weight. I have a gym membership I never really use seriously. Why? I have asked myself this question time and time again. People who know me from before know I was on the play field all day. I was fit, had an envious body that apparently men drooled over, or, rather boys. I never worked out for fitness. I worked out because I loved to play basketball. It made me feel alive. It made me feel good when I was out there, doing something worthwhile for my team. I am a team person when it comes to physical exercise. I can never do it alone. Also, I have no time now to do what I love to do. I either have no time or am limited in what I must do.

Also, I had no worries. I was a student, I had a carefree life. Yes, I had responsibilities. But, they were limited. I had no kid, I had no high-stressed job, and I had no family issues I had to clear up. Heck, I did not even understand what love entailed then. So, how and rather, why do my life and the shape of my body get compared to when I was in my teens or in my twenties? People, wake up! I am almost hitting forty.

When you are nearing the forties, you are analyzing almost everything. Weight loss or being over-weight for me is a matter of analysis. How and why do I get into this depressing mode about the way I look? Let me see…

I have friends who look like they could eat anything and still look like they are twenty. Well, these are people who are far younger, have a steady lifestyle, and have awesome genes that keep the weight off their bodies. Some have a relatively stress-free life, some have no kids, some have worries limited to what they should cook, what stuff to write about, where to go for their next vacation, how to entertain visiting guests, when to buy a house, what to do about their child’s project or next birthday party, some probably juggle between a husband and whoever else they have in their lives because their partners are not paying attention to them. They have time to work out; they have work responsibilities that do not cover the entire number of people in their office or their well-being. I may sound like a jealous retard right now. I am not. I would not exchange my life for anyone else’s, no matter how cool it looks.

I also know they have their own levels of stress which by their standards perhaps, feels earth-shattering. Fine. At least, do consider I have my own tough-ended stuff to deal about. The point is, if u have a stressed life, so do I. I have also discovered, friends, their friends, our partners and their friends as well add to the obsession about looking like an hour glass. Forget the beauty magazines. They are specific about the pictures they post, products they sell or whatever they want to target. I do not read too many magazines. I hate them. Obviously.

There is so much of damage done by people who care the most about you. You partner may have an erratic food habit, eat junk food, walk most day actively while you may have a desk job, while you are used to eating on time and prefer normal healthy food. Men, be aware, the women you love are shattered every single time you drool over another woman with a fabulous figure and then refer her to your wife, fiancĂ© or girlfriend. You damage them by showing what really you love to eye. While men may argue that they are only being honest with their partners, also realize, for every time you eye another woman’s body because she looks like a perfect figure, you need to reinforce your love to your partner with sincerity. That’s the point when she feels alone, unwanted and unloved. Women are jealous and possessive and hurt just as easily as men do. No woman is ever willing to share her man. You wouldn’t want another man to eye and drool over your partner and get fresh and personal with them. Then, don’t do it.

No matter how great her personal self-confidence is or no matter how secure you feel she is in the relationship, she feels she has failed you somehow. Realize that she has a job; even if she works outside or at home. It is still work. She may have borne you a child, she has a genetic disorder, has a water retention problem, is not suited to the place she lives in, she has family stress, she has in-laws and parental stress, worries about you when you do not call to tell where you are, worries about you having an affair because you have been noticing other women more and paying less attention to her, haven’t satisfied her physically while you have had your bit, are eating out and coming home to state you are not hungry and she recycles that food for herself the next day because she doesn’t want to waste any of it.

Let me show you the chain of how this works. She gets stress from her job if she has one. Women who work in a corporate world, no matter how confident and successful they are, know for a fact they have to work ten times harder to make it. They are discriminated upon mostly, face a lot of chaff, are the butt of jokes that people crack behind their back and they get to hear about it anyways. They still have to return home and manage the house, the children, and the tantrums that go with it. God forbid if it is a people focused job, she probably is handling far more stress than a person should be taking. Then, to add to it, her insecurities give her more stress when her partner pays more attention to the women around and even to her women friends, his women friends. Take another add on, he doesn’t make love to her the way he used to, or ignores her own physical needs and takes it for granted it is alright. Medically, it is a fact that hormonal issues crop up with lack of physical intimacy especially when your sex life has been really active before. Top this up with dealing with family loss, emotional upheavals arising out of accidents, deaths, problems that one has no control over. When hormones work up, there is added stress, there is excessive eating to get out of depression and there is weight put on.

The food habits! Here is a person who accompanies her partner to parties and get-togethers, eats high calorie food often. She may be consuming it for various reasons. She could be depressed or simply loves the type of food, which leads to her eating more. Some people do that, women especially. She may not eat. Then either her body metabolism slows down and her body starts retaining the fat reserves or she is offending the host because she isn’t eating. She may not be eating but consuming a high calorie drink because the parties drag to late hours and her partner isn’t ready to leave yet. He probably isn’t even aware of what she wants by then because he is too busy having a great time.

There are a number of things that prevent a woman from having adequate sleep. She may be waking early and sleeping late because the lifestyle does not give the partner’s time together. Most of this time together at home is spent in front of the television. Do people really pay as much attention to each other and their children as they do to their televisions? Lack of sleep adds to stress, erratic hormones and prevention of weight loss. Go check it out. It is true.

I am not a man. I can attempt to understand where I come from and where I know women friends struggling with this problem come from. My question is, while men can really help their partners, why do they not see it? Do they pause to think what their actions can result in? Or, am I just blowing this out of proportion?

Well…it is an eternal struggle…

- Sandy


  1. hey well said again.this is going 2 be my first sentence always when i write back . there are so many things you brought out......but i do think if you truly love a person n like a person size does not matter finally its all n all how ur heart is how it reacts 2 ur partners needs. whether it understands the needs the wants or just shower in love n pamper the other person i do think it matters the most.Easy said than done coz i also wish 2 hve a six pack body n wish 2 hve a rigorous routine for myself but i know hw much time i can spend for myself. This is an eternal dilemma. Wow i dream to be a great personality wherein i have lots of fan following but at the end of the day i feel m better to do the small things change things where i can about myself,or about the work place where i have been.....but the dream still remains 2 hve a well toned body.....about me personally i have loved the plus sizes always.....as u rightly said men better understand how they actually harm by asking their partners for a hour glass figure...and result in more stress and more body weight.....

  2. Geez Sandy, I was thinking how much i would enjoy drinking a cup of coffee with you... and then talking about matters like this over the coffee table :)

    It's a different game we play each day... not really an eternal struggle... The only person, I think, we should deal with is ourselves. We could put everything to discussion but in the end, choices have to be made. And we could only decide what is best for 'us'. Geez, damn those guys who make women suffer (pardon me)...

  3. @Bhushan - I know. We all have these desires. Point is, how much of time do we spend berating ourselves about it and how much do those who love us the most really contribute to the enigma.
    @Melissa - someday, that cup of coffee and the conversation will happen. Just a matter of time girl...like everything else.

  4. Sandy, I am so glad I found your blog. Will sit down with my cup of coffee and read your posts, looking forward to it. Loved your article, I feel you...I inhale and put on weight, plus the hypothyroidism, and other hormonal issues.
    Great post...

  5. @Sulekkha - I get that...I smell food and put on weight. There are other issues. Stress adds to a lot of weight problems. Its difficult for people to understand. Just because they don't understand the underlying problem, it does not mean those problems do not exist. HUGS!