I write so I can breathe. I am constantly evolving, mindless at times, frustrating even perhaps but heck, I wouldn't change the smell of freedom that comes with writing.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Well, the Fireflies

Well...it seems the word firefly is a single word with no hyphen...will get to edit that in my previous post. Like I said, I am a firefly. There really is no mystery to it. The only story attached to it is one of a time when I threw a tantrum and actually got away with what I wanted. Of course, it helps when your Biji (grandmother) feels you are the star in her eyes and we get, like I said, away with it.

Truth, (I know I will be the butt of a lot of leg-pulling, but nevertheless)...it's been a lifetime of names. My first name, originally, meant a firefly. Jugnu. My aunts from my Mom's side still end up calling me that. Of course, it did not last long, at least not officially. Luckily, at that point, one didn't have to run around to courts for affidavits to change a child's name. Things aren't half as sinple or charming as they used to be. Circa 1973, a Dharmendra-Hema starrer with some fabulous music by S D Burman and lyrics by Anand Bakshi....ring a bell? The movie was Jugnu. It became a box office superhit and I became the butt of teasing as little as I was all of  two and a half years old when I started school. Some movies go unnoticed. Well, this one didn't. Even two years later, when I started school, people still remembered the film. Who wouldn't? At that point Vampire Dharam (remember the ever constant dialogue ~ Kuttey Kaminey, main tera khoon pee jaaonga...) was an extremely handsome man and his Hema one of the most sought after stars. And great songs dont exactly make you forget a film, especially a classic super hit cult film at that!

Getting back to the point, I obviously threw up a particularly noisy tantrum (I am told) which consisted of me refusing to attend school. My Biji's pre-selected name which wasn't really in use, officially came into being. Written across the white report cards, in Chelpark Royal Blue Ink was the name Sandhya Suri. I am smiling. Perhaps, because it was one tantrum I got away with. Battle won. I try to think back if I have thrown too many tantrums in my life...yes, I have. Have I gotten away with it? Not. Mostly not. Sigh! All Megs needs to do is look at me with her deep pools of puppy eyes and I melt. Daughters. Heartaches and heartbreaks. All worth every twist in you heart as you watch them grow.

Okay, fireflies...you recall those vibrant Asia dragonflies I used to collect? Fireflies likewise were collected. Fotunately, all of them survived. I would collect them and then release them all together so they formed stars that blinked and spread across the dark shadows...a universe of my own. I kind of lived in my own universe mostly I suppose. I delighted in my imaginary dialogues and shared secrets. At least they kept my secrets and brought me so much joy.

So, there never really was anything quite out-of-the-ordinary story about fireflies. Except, they make me smile, they make me feel I have a secret. I am reminded that once, a long time ago, I was, in name, one of them. I smile again. Little things. Big things may give you a kick fora while. Eventually, it is the little things that make you smile.

Really smile.

Copyright Sandy@2011


  1. I think Jugnu is a lovely name...some names have a sound, a feel to them...wish you'd kept it...it would have been a unique name today! :-)

  2. As a two year old...being ridiculed is a big thing...come to think of it, I never quite got it on with 'Sandhya' as well...lol! I am mostly 'Sandy' so much so that when people call me Sandhya it feel weird. Not good I tell ya! ;-)
    Unique yes! totally! But, I think, I wouldn't be me...each name has a destiny of it's own...somehow. I believe that.

  3. the collecting firefly thing & sharing secrets with them : i wonder what happened to those precious secrets as we grew up.. the waves of worldly knowledge washed away the lovely stories written on the sands of imagination.. people call it cynical wen someone stares at the night sky as if searching for a long lost friend to speak to.. if people would spend their nights glued to TV, partying in the discs or sleeping cozily in their comfortable bedrooms, who would fireflies make friends wid? for whom would the night jasmine blossom if there wont be anyone to pause & smell it.. wen would adults learn to teach their children the power of imagination lest cut away those little wings before they even begin to learn to fly..

  4. @Priyank - We think those wisps of imagination to have flown away. Truth, they remain buried inside you, until someone knocks your breath away when you least expect it and lets you be that child full of wonder again. Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to be there again. Yes, watching the starts and doing nothing, saying nothing, helps.