I write so I can breathe. I am constantly evolving, mindless at times, frustrating even perhaps but heck, I wouldn't change the smell of freedom that comes with writing.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Who am I settling for?

What are we settling for really when we enter a serious relationship? What is it that we seek in a relationship? Who really scores you as a person in their life eventually? For a person who has made enough mistakes about relationships in her life, one can presume and say hey, who are you to say anything about serious relationships? Oh well…that is a perspective. Am I really qualified to speak about relationships? Perhaps, yes.

If I was to view the wisdom that comes from hands on experience, yes indeed. After all, people with experience means these are people who have learned lessons in life as well. Some of us learn from the lessons that are being taught to someone else and well, some of us are always inclined to learn it hands on, like yours truly.

That is not what I was getting at however. The question I was asking was who do we really want to settle for vis a vis who we choose to settle for sometimes in life? Hypothetically, you will meet someone wonderful. ‘Wonderful’, defined as someone who is marvellous, inspires delight, someone you want to admire. Is that ‘wonderful’ what you seek? Think about it…before I get to the other half of it.

Then, hypothetically, you begin to date this person and want to be with this person because he/she is wonderful. It’s going good and hey you are happy. Stop! What kind of ‘happy’ is that? Is it the ‘happy’ that makes you smile, makes you think of how great the person is, how smart the person is, how sharp the person is? Or…

This brings me to the second hypothetical situation. You meet someone pleasant, thoughtful, and attentive and genially a nice person. What more, this person is there with you and you are the one thinking how much joy the person brings to you, how wonderful the person makes you feel. Each time you think about this person, you smile because of the joy this person brings to your life when he/she touches it. This is going good too and hey, you are happy. Stop again! What kind of ‘happy’ is that? Is that the one that makes you smile, lightens your heart, and makes you think of how wonderful this person makes you feel?

Now my question…think about the two…being with someone who is ‘wonderful’ versus being with someone who makes you feel ‘wonderful’. Do you get it? The difference?

Yes, I am seeking the second one. Why? Because I know, I have a lot to give. I know I can make a person feel like they are the most wonderful person on earth because I think they are genuinely wonderful. However, if that person cannot make me feel like I am the most wonderful person on earth, I am not settling for that. No way. I cannot be a doormat for anyone who is just wonderful. I want to be the big heart and soul for the one who recognises me, takes me for who I am and makes me feel I am the most wonderful person on earth.

Yes, that is what I will settle for. Period.

So, my question is, who are you going to settle for? 

- Sandy


  1. Most times we are looking for the former. But Latter is "the" best... :))

  2. All a judgment call of the time and place...and we must live it well or let it go...

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Do blog about it when you find such person and are "settled". Nothing is guaranteed in this world. Not even your life. So your second question, about the one making you feel wonderful, well, there is no guaranty about that too. Is there? One moment you are delighted and the next year, he / she finds you boring. There is difference between fairy tale ending and a real life. A real life is 'Boring'. But 'Boring' is something which survives in the end. Fantasy, fun , frolic fades away only the boredom remains.

    So i ask you this question: Are you ready to settle for someone who will bore you but here is the kicker: He would want to bore you only and not anyone else. Not even the prettiest girl on this planet. Just you. So would you accept that?

    - A random stranger on the internet unable to sleep at 3:15 am on saturday night

  5. Vipin...love your two bit about settling to be bored with...yes indeed! ABSOLUTELY!

  6. You're right - it is always better to seek someone who makes you feel wonderful than who you find wonderful. (But many make the mistake of jumping for the "wonderful" one and then keep craving for someone who makes them feel wonderful)