I write so I can breathe. I am constantly evolving, mindless at times, frustrating even perhaps but heck, I wouldn't change the smell of freedom that comes with writing.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Dumping Decisions

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I like the sound of beginning the year like that.  Let's get to the bottom line, of dumping and being dumped. I get dumped a lot and I dump too. 

#1. The Marriage Dump 
This year, at the beginning of the year, I got dumped. No, I got dumped emotionally months earlier than that but technically that happened in January. It is a moot point on who dumped who I suppose. I, who got emotionally dumped months prior to that decided to go ahead and dump a pointless relationship, get hurt and be better off alone. If someone was not there despite being physically there in some part of the same house (point to note, I said house, not home...you get the drift), there really wasn't much to it. So, I decided to dump the maid I had become and return to being me. By the end of this year, I have, as a result managed to dump a sorry ass of a marriage that sapped my energy. So, my point one is really checked off. I dumped being an emotional slave to a man who I believed loved me. I still thought it was the most significant dumping of my life this year so I had to mention it. 

#2. The Weight Dump
This is a work in progress. Since January (yes, again...you see, a lot has been triggered off early this year), I have been consciously changing my food habits to arrive at a descending order of readings in the weighing scale. It is not easy. I am a foodie to the core. I love to cook and feed others around me as well. A slipped disc, a pained heart-break, a general life-is-not-going-anywhere needed to get sorted. So, from a whooping one hundred and seven, I shed, slowly, without a diet really (just a time and quantity change) and progressively descended nineteen. I want to bring it to twenty by the time the year flips to two thousand fifteen. 

#3. The Worry Dump
When life tests you over and over again, it makes you stress and sweat over the seeming impossibilities of the situations you can encounter. I have decided to give stress instead of taking it. It comes to me but I deflect it; pretty much like learning how to box. It is a lot about how you deflect an offensive and gain technical points. That works for me. Why should I be worried about things, events, people? I am now leaving that worrying bit to others. They should not be worried about me either. They should, in fact, be worried why they are worried about me. Hah! If you know me even one wee bit, that is something worth getting amused over. 

#4. The Self Preservation Dump
Life is short. You have just one life. I have decided to dump fears of being vulnerable, of protecting and preserving myself from pain and hurt. Sigh! It hasn't killed me yet and going by the score that I am still alive and kicking, I shouldn't really hide myself and stop myself from feeling what I wish to feel about anything. So yes, bring it on; the joy, the delight, the pain, the ecstasy, the hurt, the bruises, the threats, the love, the passion, the everything my life!

#5. The Careless-About-Heath Dump
This is an important one. It is one of the toughest one for me because this has always stayed a low priority on my list somehow. Yeah, I know. It's a pretty dense thing to do, a smart cookie like me and all that. So, here is to the beginnings of resetting the slipped disc, facing the scary instruments of a dentist, the exercises from the physio-therapist, the discipline needed to stay still and succumb myself to taking up yoga. Boy do I need encouragement for this. A lot.

#6. The Closing-My-Home-to-Visitors Dump
 The last I entertained and threw a fun party at home and a memorable one at that was really the New Year's Eve of 2012. I have stopped doing that and I truly want to begin to do that. I have lived alone all of this year, not entertaining, not feeling that joy of feeding and socializing in the personal territory of my home. There wasn't really a home. But, now, I feel, the roof over my head right now is the closest I've felt like home in a while. My home used to be a place resonating with laughter and the sheer delight of spending time with friends, sharing silly moments. I am dumping this reclusive mentality and opening my doors again. Christmas Eve is the date set in mind. (I grin when I write that.)

#7. The Being-Too-Scared-To-Get-Published Dump
Major dump again. I am collaborating, talking and discussing with a mind to get published. It is a big deal. I have been struggling with the fear of getting published for a decade now. Now, I am ready. So, be sure to get something of what comes out in the New Year to sit on your coffee table or find a place in your bookshelf/library. I am so looking forward to this. 

#8. The Pointless Drama Dump
As one gets older, I suppose it becomes clearer that one is wasting time on uselessly tolerating drama. The drama of relatives, of pointless ego battles of ME, ME, ME from everyone. Heck, let's now make it about ME instead. I want to prioritize ME. I will. I am so sick of the pointless drama, tears and theatrical activity that saps energy from what needs to be done. The emotional entrapment of being the older one, of being the responsible one and all else that comes with it. I am a single parent. I will do what is necessary to keep my life and hers together. It may not conform to the so-called rules laid down but I follow rationality that is purely selfish in its motives for my kid and me. So, yeah. I am dumping the traditional methods of dealing with drama. I will be blunt and to the point. I will not accept something without question or applying it to my situation and seeing it my way as well. 

#9. The Social Media Voyeurs Dump
Yes, this is a tradition and I do this Sweepathon for my Social Media platforms as well. I trim the people from my list who haven't interacted with me for ages. If you send me a request, please do communicate beyond that Add Friend Request. If you don't, you always have an option of just following. Why cram my timeline and make me lose sight of those who do communicate? So, trims will happen as they do, every single year, sometimes a couple of times in the same year. Oh, I don't mind getting dumped for not communicating either. Quid pro quo. 

#10. The Take-Me-For-Granted Dump
This is a tricky dump because I love so many people in my life. I love them to bits but as much as I love them, I know I have been taken for granted. A lot. I am done with that. I am done with being second or third priority and I cannot do this anymore. It saps my energy. It cannot be a one way street. So, yes. I am not going to be taken for granted. Some doors will close. I need the sunshine and the moonbeams to come in through another door. You see, everything evolves. The world has revolved and spun and the sun rises from a different fix now. 

I thought listing out ten things would be easy. It wasn't. I however liked the fact that it made me think about what is important for me now and what I need to do and contemplate all the work in progress. 

That's my list for #Dump10Things . What is yours?

Copyright Sandy@2014


7 comments:

  1. Awesome list!! Really admire your grit. All the best and keep going.

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  2. Thank you Bhaswati - You too!

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  3. Loved your list. Will try to make one of my own, now that you got me thinking. Like always you show the route less taken but which is nonetheless more exciting.

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  4. Loved your post..dump all your worries for the great day !!

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  5. So great to read about all your efforts at dumping the negativity!! Wish u all the best for the coming year:))

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  6. Loved your list! Happy offloading!I'm starting to make my list asap

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  7. The Social Media Voyeurs Dump. Nailed it. It's quite disheartening isn't it? When people just add you and don't really care to interact? I should have added this to my list as well. *tch*

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