I write so I can breathe. I am constantly evolving, mindless at times, frustrating even perhaps but heck, I wouldn't change the smell of freedom that comes with writing.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Death and Life

There are days when one’s mind lingers on too many emotions that tend to overwhelm us. There arises a deep ache and slowly creeps in a twisted feeling in the pit of your stomach. Truth, there will always be days like that, where everything makes you too happy, or too sad, wrenches your heart or digs deep into spaces inside you that you wish you never went and are glad you don’t. Not frequently.

When you acknowledge death as the single most significant reality the desire to make the most of being alive becomes either pointless or completely significant. For me it’s more significant. It’s a journey towards the inevitable, like a stepping-stone onwards. A close brush with death does that for some. For some an out of body experience can assist you to visualize and not be afraid to die. Most people forget to live in the actual sense because they are afraid to die. When all the cards are on the table you have it all out, you are exposed and thus unafraid; because to lay all the cards on the table is either a courageous or an insane thing to do.

As we continue to grow and as each day passes by, we learn. We learn that all is never fair in life. The person who you expect never to let you down will let you down and you will learn. When your heart gets broken time after time, it will be harder, but you will bear it and survive and you will learn. You will fight with friends, you will drift apart, you will hug them when they need you, you will end up accusing them for things they didn’t and you will learn. You will laugh and then you will cry just as hard and you will learn.

You will learn that nothing ever is easy. You will learn that you can either live it and make something out of it or crib the rest of your life. When you know and acknowledge your life’s truth as much as the inevitability of death, you will learn to live. To live right. 
- Sandy

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Of Judges Judgment and Attitude

It is said ninety percent of one’s emotions is determined by how one interprets events to oneself. In our world, there is place for imagination, fantasy, dreams, ambitions, controversies, the adamant opinion and the free spirit exuberance that skims, titillates, teases, tempts, dances through the sense of sight to arouse all the others. A person who looks for a sense of propriety might as well stick to reading books that belong to the shelves of a child’s Moral Science classroom.

In any other place there is place for a sense of propriety but that space has to be shared with the inane musings of the creative mind of artists, people, everyone else around you. For those who do not acknowledge this for what it is, it sure is a tough survival, it’s lonely. But then, the only reason you would be talking to yourself is because you are the only one whose answers you accept. So, why is there such a fuss over the words or colours borne out of another person’s mind?

Dare with Class. While there is a place for all of indignant self-righteousness, there isn’t an acceptable place for those who step on other’s toes and seek attention by stepping on them. If one doesn’t understand a writer’s world, or the world of friendship, one should not step into it, nor seek to hit popularity charts or buy friends by way of stabbing someone one doesn’t like. It’s a choice eventually and a matter of perception. To dare is a form of courage, but even that does not call for the attention of critics for a Pulitzer, or a Grammy, or an Oscar or an Emmy or whatever, unless presented with class. Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge. Other’s just gurgle and think it’s a big deal. It’s like smoking a cigarette. If you pull all of it in acceptance, it’s a first puff burn but you get to get it all in and figure out what smoking is all about. If you do not pull it all in, you are not smoking a cigarette. You are only pretending to.

Be Honest to Yourself. People who seek an unknown audience and are anxious to improve the circumstances of their surroundings ought to begin from their humble selves. Sadly, pitifully, they choose to be concerned to improve the circumstances of their surroundings without being willing to improve themselves. Learning and growth, and for that matter education, in this institution called Life does not come without asking questions and seeking answers. If you do not seek, nor ask questions, you are sadly, already dead. And then, who are you to blame someone for your misfortunes, most of which never happened anyway but were simply assumed for want of getting attention one sought? Being judgemental and calling yourself righteous in the bargain is a sorry excuse. Who am I to judge? Why bother to be cleverly disguised as a responsible adult when all one wants to do is point fingers at someone else for seeking the kind of attention one has failed to get otherwise? Why crib and cry when the middle finger goes up in response? If you say something, stand for it. Forget world improvement until you can visualise your own turn signal first.

Be Positive. Thinking positively may not let you do anything but it will let you do everything better than negative thinking will. I think it was Zig Ziglar who said that. There never is a hopeless situation. Yes, there are plenty of hopeless attitudes. Most people would rather die than think; in fact they do so. Value friendship unconditionally. If you cannot stand by your friend, you are not one. Then, you are just messed up in your head about definitions of friendship. Perhaps, you meant acquaintance. There is a difference. Never prostitute the word to mean anything else. A friend is a person who knows all about you and still puts up with you and sometimes doesn't know anything about you but it doesn't really matter. Lots of things change in a person’s life and lots of things don’t.

Unlearn to Learn. Don’t let schooling get in the way of your education. In this full time school of life education does not begin or end in school. Every moment is a period in school. Some flunk and flunk till they understand. Other’s merely mug and score high marks but never understand. God loves everyone, but ever think about why he prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts”? Growing old is inevitable…growing up, optional. Nobody gets a licence to kill, but when you are learning, even to drive, you get a learner’s permit. Being crazy is a way of life. It helps people to explore and not go insane. If you have figured out this statement, you will be fine. If you haven’t, you seriously need unlearning to learn. Mistakes are proof that you are trying. To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid and welcome learning in extremes of ways possible.

Life is tough. Nobody said life was going to be easy. Get a helmet. Live life. I want to live life, question it, shake it up and stir it to taste a perfect cocktail…I want to live life as in really live or die trying. It would be a waste otherwise. Every morning is the dawn of a new error and every sunset an overcoming of that error, not by doling out apologies but by an acceptance of one’s imperfect perfections. If you abandon the search for that what is not understood yet, that which is to be figured out yet, then you might as well settle for a good fantasy and live in a Utopia that gives you a perfect righteous world to live in. Learn to laugh at yourself. "Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for, they will never cease to be amused." Better to be amused than sulk with indignation and disappointment.

Lastly…if you do not like someone’s attitude, stop being with them! Stop whining!

- Sandy

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Ponder This

Sometimes, when there is too much to say, nothing comes out. Perhaps, that is because the flow of thoughts is way faster than the speed of your fingers on the keyboard. Life seems to become like that sometimes. You try really hard to gather it all up and it keeps spilling over. We get restless. It is like being in a noisy retreat (yes, I did intentionally say ‘noisy retreat’) within yourself, the time when you go deep within and attempt to find your peace with life, with your own emotions and feelings that have a way with barging into your life and making you miserable most times. I am jubilant today. I am sad tomorrow. I am everything. I am nothing.

So, every so often, there is wisdom in letting go. When you are in a transit into something you have no clue about, you might as well appreciate what you see, feel, hear, touch, smell and make small attempts to begin to recognize these as tiny gifts that life throws your way. Eventually, let’s accept the fact that we are all looking for all sorts of answers. I have taken the time to find my answers and realize that the answers are all around me. I have become aware of these little nudges from what surrounds me and of the voices inside me. My gut tells me stuff I should pay attention to. When I ignore it, I walk right into trouble. Yes. I am a gut person. Perhaps. No. I haven’t found all the answers.

What is within and without together seems to form something realistic but in an abstract meta-physical sort of way. Okay. I know there would be a better way to put across what I mean to convey. For now, this is it. Umm…not really, I want you to think too…so yes, I play here, with words.  

Every decision we take in our professional life is like a calculated risk. We take a chance here. We forgo another there. We are meticulous about the attention we pay to little things because we would otherwise lose our job or mess up our career or our business. My question is, do we extend that same courage to our personal life? Why do we become such sissies about fighting for those we believe we desire the most in our life? Recall here the number of times you have kicked ass of people at work because they simply did not do what was required of them to do and it messed up your work. Recall the number of times you sat patiently explaining what you wanted, how it wasn’t working and what could be agreed upon going forward so it doesn’t happen again. Why do we do our jobs professionally and make good grades performance-wise and then treat ourselves and those we love like dirt in our personal life?

The number of what ifs that fill our heads with we want to deal with something personal is not even funny. If…if….if… Hypothetical situation, imagined outcomes, situations that are visualized and chances not taken. It all changes destiny. Our destiny. Do we take a call and dare or do we shelve it and let it rot until it degenerates, a relationship that dies its death because you really did not reach out and paid attention to it?

Ponder this!

- Sandy